Holding auditions for worship teams has become a standard practice for many churches including mine. And telling someone “no” is a necessary part of being a great worship leader. Unfortunately, not everyone who tries out for the team will make it. Sometimes people just need a little more time practicing and honing their instrument before they’re ready. Other times, people simply don’t have the skills needed to be successful on the team. Whatever the reason for not making an audition, someone (typically the worship pastor) will be faced with a tough conversation. Someone needs to break the news.

But how do you tell them no?

This is a big question to ask because how you tell someone the news is just as important as what you tell them. Nobody likes to be told that they weren’t good enough. Many people who audition are already nervous or even insecure. So statements like, “you’re not good enough” or “you did not make the cut,” can cause deep wounds and leave lasting scars.

Something I used to tell people when I was a young worship leader was, “our passions and giftings are not always aligned.” And while that may be a true statement; it was probably not the most helpful thing to say. As Craig Groeschel once said, “everything said should be true, but not everything true needs to be said.”

Here are four important things to consider when telling someone ‘no’:

1. Be empathetic.

Delivering the news properly is not about us as worship leaders, and it’s not about our team. It’s about the person we’re telling. More important than adding musicians to our team roster is that we are caring for the people in our church, even the person you are telling “no.” If someone does not make the worship team, they are still a valuable member of the church body, and should be treated as such. How we handle this difficult conversation can impact the trajectory of a person’s relationship with the church. A one sentence email is probably not the most caring way to deliver the news.

2. Be specific.

The only thing worse than being turned down is not knowing why. Give specific reasons why a person did not make the team. This feedback can help a person to separate their performance from their identity. In other words, we are not telling them that they’re not good enough. Instead, we are telling them “this area needs improvement before you can play on the team.” One helpful way to do this is by using this formula: “It is important on our team to do ‘X’ and we noticed in your audition that you did not do ‘X.’” For example, “it is important on our team for a vocalist to be able to sing an accurate harmony part, but we noticed in your audition that your harmony was not consistent.” 

3. Be helpful.

A “no” does not mean “no forever.” Sometimes it just means no right now. Many skills on a worship team can be coached and developed. And while we don’t want to give false hope or make promises, pointing them to resources or giving them something to work on can help motivate their improvement. Instead of telling someone they have no future on the worship team, what if we recommended resources for growth that could lead to a “yes” in the future? Most worship leaders (myself included) often wish that we had more people on our teams. What if instead of a hard “no” we added people to an interest list and sent a reminder every time we held auditions? Giving people tools for success can promote growth and may lead to a “yes” in the future.

4. Be clear.

It is important to be clear about what you are communicating. While we want to soften the edges and have a Christlike gentleness, we also need to remember that clarity is a kindness. At some point, you need to say the word “no.” Okay, maybe “no” is a little harsh, but you get the point. “It is a no right now,” or “we are not extending an invitation at this time,” or “we would like to see improvement in this area before you can play on the team.” If there are action steps, make those clear. For example, “…it is a no right now, but if you want to work on harmony consistency, we would love to have you come back and re-audition next month.” 

Should You Tell Them No Through Email, a Phone Call, or Face to Face?

Here are a few thoughts on each method:

Email

The downside to email is that tone is more difficult to communicate. Empathy does not always translate through black words on a white page. However, the up side to email is that you can take your time to say exactly what you want to say. It also leaves space for a person to process the news without having to react to you in the moment. I like email as an option if it is done with extreme care and intentionality.

Phone

The downside to a phone call is that you cannot see how your news is landing. You have to assume what you say is being received well even if it isn’t. The up side to a phone call is that it can be more personal than an email and you can communicate emotions better. I prefer to not use phone calls as an option unless the call is scheduled in advance. An unexpected call in the middle of the day can be jarring.

Face to face.

The down side of face to face is that this can be an extremely uncomfortable situation in the moment for the person you are telling. It also runs the risk of saying something in the moment that wasn’t thought through. The upside to having this conversation in person is that you are more likely to develop a relationship with them which could lead to this person’s growth and longevity at your church. 

I have used all three methods before, but my preference is to use email. But this is just a preference.

Here is an example of an email to inform someone that they did not make an audition. While not every email is “one size fits all,” this email contains the framework of the above steps.

“Dear XYZ,

We want to thank you so much for taking the time to audition for the worship team at XYZ church. It is a vulnerable thing to sing in front of people and we are grateful that you would be willing to do this for the glory of God. 

We thought you had a very pleasant voice and your tone was nice. However, it is important on our team to be able to sing a consistent harmony part, and your harmony choices were a bit inconsistent. So at this time, we will not be extending an invitation to join the worship team. However, we believe this is a skill that can be developed with some work. We recommend listening to as many worship songs as you can and studying the harmonies. And once you feel a bit more confident with singing harmony, we would love for you to re-audition. 

In the meantime, I would love to connect you to serving the church through one of our other ministries. Would you mind if I connect you to our connections director for this? 

If you need any more resources or if there is anything we can do to help while you’re honing this skill, please don’t hesitate to reach out.”

This email will look different for everyone. Having some discretion for what is coachable and what is not is important. If someone is tone deaf (technically only 4% of humans are) then that is something that can’t be coached, and the action steps will not be as hopeful. 

In all situations, asking the Holy Spirit for guiding the people he loves is something he is sure to answer. If we are putting people first, then it is possible to have success even in delivering hard truth. As we aim for excellence on our teams, may we remember that excellence doesn’t just sound like a good band; it also looks like caring for people well.